For those unable to see the screenshot, it reads, "Children yell and kick and scream. Mature adults do not. Act like an adult. And never, ever yell at your kids. Full stop."
This post stuck with me. Nobody enjoys yelling at their kids, it isn’t fun for the parents and it certainly isn’t fun for the kids. And of course, our goal as parents is to model the behaviour we want to see because quite frankly, our kids mirror everything we do. I think a more productive message for parents is to firstly help them identify ways they can reduce those daily parenting frustrations, and secondly, help them appreciate the importance of repair if they do end up losing it with their kids.
As parents, we are often tired, exhausted and low on patience. So after a long day of parenting, if you’re short on patience and do end up losing it with your little one, although this isn’t ideal (and something we need to work on every day), you’re provided with an opportunity to model repair with your child.
Dr. John Gottman who is a Clinical Psychologist and co-founder of the Gottman Institute, believes one of the most meaningful gifts a parent can give their child is acknowledging their own mistakes, to be able to hold their hands up and say sorry I got it wrong. And the reason he believes this is so powerful is that it permits our children to make mistakes, to let them know it’s ok to get it wrong and still be ok...
"One of the most meaningful gifts a parent can give to a child is to acknowledge their own mistake, to say, 'I was wrong here' or 'I'm sorry'. This is so powerful because it also gives the child permission to make a mistake, to admit having messed up and still be ok."
So if we do stumble at times, then we need to work to capture those moments as opportunities to teach our little ones. When we apologise and show our child the error of our ways, we help them to recognise their shortcomings and show them it’s ok to make mistakes.
By apologising, we teach them an important life lesson, that we can take accountability for our actions, we also model what a healthy relationship looks like, something that is crucial as they grow and foster relationships of their own.
If you find yourself being continually frustrated by your child’s behaviour, focus on these areas:
- Identify your triggers which will help you address them and move forward.
- Find your pause. Pausing opens up that space to rationalise what’s going on and respond to your child rather than react
- Separate your child’s behaviour and their feelings. This puts you in a better position to see things from their point of view.
- Check the expectations you are setting for your child. Are they age-appropriate? Are they developmentally appropriate?
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🤯 From Yelling To Understanding
Often as parents, it’s as if we’re left with no choice but to yell, especially when it feels like our kids never listen to us. This is what has motivated me to spend the time writing this 22-page guide, to help parents reduce the amount they yell at their kids. Grab your freebie below and start your calmer parenting journey today... |